Feb 272012
 

If you have a blog of your own, you’ve probably received a lot of spam comments. Some might be funny, some cleverly disguised as real comments, and some are downright bizarre.

The last few days, I’ve received comments with such gems as:

Do you desire to settle down the spanking

Achat wiped stale viagra without their sky.

Ammar was all gabrielle.

Me dislodged each step where loosely me flared lying yet, but a conspiracy was of best happy hands the invitation

I pulled these from two comments that were basically a big block of randomly thrown together words sprinkled with the word “viagra.” People do strange things.

Random letters and wordsBut, those comments reminded me of a good writing exercise. The idea is to write using no punctuation. Though the original exercise was probably left at that, I combine it with another exercise where I write fast without stopping to correct typos or to think about what to write next. As you might imagine, this becomes a sort of stream-of-consciousness freewrite.

What I have found is that it’s amazingly difficult to avoid adding punctuation because it’s so automatic. I have to just keep going and try to avoid adding those pesky commas and periods.

I also find it is very freeing and even fun. I like using it as a warm-up sometimes to loosen up the handful of brain cells I still have at my advanced age. Here’s a goofy snippet of some of the insanity writing that came from one such session:

And so we begin writing no end in sight. Alas and alack he wonders what to do with all that colored space. A trip though just to watch the words unfold. Let it remain to be so and what the red beaver said. After all the random thoughts will arise whether or not the green torso flies in the face all that bass and it’s powerful music an odd sort of nothing

Twenty winds took the trees to shaking like great orange alementari dwiskelbutt. I don’t know so don’t ask I’m jumpstarting things if you can’t bubble it up to the surface

Then again, the tiny one in the doorway smelled funny from the very beginning. The zombie grasshoppers are delicious this time of year they are fresh off the plague and have eaten well of the poor villager’s grain.

But with some there are lesions after the fact and it is as if the smell permeates the air and the blood for that’s where the stockings came to where my eye stopped at least and to dwell on that place that just right spot that lingers there in the space between the thigh and the but I digress ahem forgive me for my limited concentration

Maybe I should write spam comments.

Do you have any good writing exercises you like?

 

Feb 212012
 

Well, I’ve been here. Lurking. Watching. Waiting. Trying out different themes.

Yes, I’ve been checking out different themes on my local computer. Did you know there are hundreds, maybe thousands of the things out there?

And have I mentioned I can be indecisive?

Yeah, well, sprinkle in a dash of procrastination, and a dollop of depression, and you have a lack of posts.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the distraction factor:

Cat pile

Mmmm, fuzzy cat pile

Incidentally, you may see some theme changes over the next few days. Don’t be alarmed! And feel free to make a comment if you see one you like (or don’t like)!

Feb 142012
 

I’ve been working on a post about speaking gibberish in improv, but then I thought of a quote attributed to Mark Twain:

“I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

It may seem counterintuitive (because you’d think fewer words = less time), but it’s much easier to write long than to write short. At least, it is for me.

In other words, the gibberish piece is still too long.

So, I thought I could try cheating. If a picture is worth a thousand words, at least it doesn’t seem like a thousand words. Maybe by posting some pictures, it’ll be easier for me to keep the number of (written) words down. This may not make sense. Nonetheless…

Heaven forbid I post pretty pictures. Instead, here are a set of pics I like because of the elements of decay or, perhaps I could say entropy.

Rotten apple

Broken glass in cemetery

Dead leaves in graveyard

Broken planter in graveyard

Dried plum and bird poo

Bird poo

(As always, click on an image to see a larger version of it.)

There, that should make this post [worth] roughly 6,200 words. I hope it didn’t feel like it.

What words do you think the photos are trying to say?

Feb 132012
 

Guess what? Yours truly (i.e. me) has written a guest post over at the very fun Fix it or Deal.

This is the first time I’ve actually written for another blog. If you go check out my post, you’ll see why I may never be allowed to guest-blog again.

But, don’t let that stop you from checking out the rest of Amy’s blog. She does all sorts of fun stuff like constructing zombies out of Zombie-A-Month calendars. (This year it’s robots.) Not only is she gifted at cutting and gluing paper zombies, she’s a good, fun writer and an alumnus of BlogFestivus 2011.

Also, check out her Retro Fun page. You can find Amy on Twitter too.

I’ll be back later to write a post on my own blog. Unless I’m permanently banned from the internet after propagating The Newton Dance.

In that case, good bye.

 

Feb 052012
 

Hi! I’m back. Did you miss me? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

File this post in the humongous category: Things I was wrong about.

Some time ago, I wrote a post where I misread a headstone. Well, today I tell you about another error I made in a cemetery.

Port Gamble CemeteryThe first cemetery I ever “visited” just to experience a cemetery was in Port Gamble, WA (not far from where the Keystone Ferry unloads). It’s a sweet little spot on a hill with peekaboo views of Puget Sound.

That was the first time I fell in love with a cemetery, and amongst the headstones was one that became a favorite, not because it was particularly ornate. In fact, it was inoccuous enough that I often had a hard time finding it again on subsequent visits. No, I loved it because of the inscription on it:

 

Maggie E headstone closeup

In memory of
Maggie E.
Wife of
Suard B. Ackly,
Born in Culler Maine
Died July 22, 1885
Aged 39 years

Her suffering ended with the day, yet lived she at its close,
And breathed the long long night away, in statue-like repose.
But when the sun in all his state illumed the eastern skies,
she passed through glories morning gate and walked in paradise.

When I read this, I felt like I was reading the account of Maggie’s final hours. Many headstones have inscriptions, often of poems, quotes, Bible verses and the like. Fewer have something more personal etched upon them. None that I’ve encountered have actually documented the moment of death of the person buried there.

For years I made the assumption that this particular headstone had, in an admittedly poetic way, described the dying of someone. After all, the words seemed too specific to be from a pre-existing poem. I found it fascinating and oddly intimate to feel like I was there in the final hours of a woman who died so young (by our standards) nearly a century before I was even born.

As it happens (and thanks to the world of information available on the interwebs), I have since learned that this inscription was actually a poem titled “A Death-Bed” by James Aldrich. Oh, how disillusioning! Did Suard B. borrow the poem under which he buried his wife without attributing it to its author?

To be fair, the headstone is well-worn and any attribution might be obscured. Still, I was disappointed to discover that what I thought was a very personal depiction of a woman’s passing was a second-hand account. I don’t even know if it’s accurate to how her last hours went, or if it was just a poem someone liked enough to include on her final marker.

Is it morbid of me to want that glimpse into the moment when life ended for another human being? Or is it just a fascination I have with the fact that every headstone in any cemetery was once new, vivid, raw and real for the dead and those they left behind. Behind every marker is the story of a person’s life and death, and somehow, standing in that space where they were laid to rest brings me into contact with a significant moment in time for that person. Standing there, I can’t help but think of those who have stood in the same spot, pondering the same marker, perhaps experiencing first-hand memories of the person whose ending is memorialized there.

So, I was wrong about Maggie’s headstone, but it still holds a special place in my experience. Rest in peace, dear Maggie E.

I leave you with this, just ’cause.

Past the gate
creaks metal springs
a wonderland of peace
and reminders of
death’s inevitable hand

In stones etched
the spans of life
names
words of hope and grief
farewell love
fear

The energy of the living
is as strong as any ghosts
those who stood
clad in tears and black
mourning the loss
of dear Maggie E
wife of Suard B
hoping for
an afterlife
where they might
stroll hand in hand
again