Once upon a time, as a writing exercise, I wrote some alternate endings to “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” by Dr. Seuss. I think these will really put you in the holiday spirit. You’re welcome.

The “real” ending:  As the Grinch rides away with his sleigh piled high with loot stolen from the Who’s in Whoville, he stops to listen to the wails of anguish that must surely be rising from the town below. Instead, he hears singing drifting on a breeze. As he listens in confusion, he has an epiphany and his heart grows three times larger. He rides back to town to return all that he had stolen, where he is warmly welcomed and even gets to carve the roast beast at the Christmas feast.

…As he rides away, he stops, waiting for the cries of the Who’s below when they find out their Christmas has been stolen. Instead, he hears a joyful song drifting from the valley. With a fiercesome anger, he rides his sleigh back down the slopes, gaining momentum. By the time he reaches town, he’s reached almost 60 miles an hour and he plows through the town square where the Who’s are standing in a circle, holding hands. He manages to twist the sleigh in a perfect arc, crushing half of the town’s residents in a single swoop. The other half stares in stunned disbelief as friends and neighbors are crushed under the multi-ton death machine…

*****

…With a terrible yell, the Grinch aims his sleigh downslope. He would ride into town and finish what he had started. As his sleigh reaches incredible speeds, it levels into the valley and bursts into the town square. However, when he hits the flagpole there, his sleigh is overturned and he tumbles out, rolling finally to a stop in the middle of the circle of celebrating Who’s. The Who’s, it turns out, aren’t quite so filled with the peace of Christmas as it first seems. They surround the broken Grinch and pummel and kick him until he moves no more…

*****

…The Grinch listens for awhile to the singing and rides like a demon down the mountain, stopping in the middle of town. He leaps from the sleigh and shouts, “You guys are great! Listen, I have this friend who’s a producer in the music biz…”

*****

…The Grinch listens for awhile to the singing and then smiles an evil little smile. He knew the Who’s would be tough nuts to crack. He glances at his watch and counts softly to himself, “Four, three, two…” In the valley below, a bright flash followed by billowing smoke. Seconds later, the roll of a thunderous explosion washes up into the surrounding hills. A second explosion hits an instant later and then more, seeming to go on forever…

*****

…The singing reaches the Grinch’s ears and his eyes open with surprise. He seems to ponder for a moment and then he shrugs. “Let them sing,” he thinks, “I’ve got enough loot here to retire from this frozen hellhole and buy a nice piece of land on the beach.” He cracks his whip and heads for his cave…

*****

…The singing mesmerizes the Grinch. It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard. He stands entranced, rocking gently back and forth. He doesn’t notice the squad of Who’s sneaking up from below until the first Who arrow finds its way into the soft flesh of his belly. Of course, by then it’s too late…